Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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