he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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