Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Semen is not good for contacts.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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