We won't sleep together?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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