i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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