yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
