why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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