I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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