i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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