I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
