It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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