Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
