Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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