I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
