She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize