tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
