hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
