I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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