it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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