wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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