I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize