She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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