I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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