She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
