Having a random hookup so left but love u
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
