i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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