Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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