You really coming over, don't trick.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
