Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
