btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
