I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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