So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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