don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
