I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Pooping to opera.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
