He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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