you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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