Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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