The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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