Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
