remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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