I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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