Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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