If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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