He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
