What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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