i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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