My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
