Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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