I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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