I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
