If that was your dad, he is hot
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
