That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I love having hate sex.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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