Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
