i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
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I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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