I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize