just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
